Lets face it, we have all heard of an arranged marriage yeah? So why is there so much confusion in understanding this in Western society. Doesn't the word speak for itself? Is it our white counterparts confused about this term and practice or have we as British Asians confused the concept? WHO IS MISUNDERSTANDING WHO? This is the million dollar question. As a British born Asian, some may say I'm confused but I'd like to call it 'balanced'. Huh? Again, different words for the same issue. Why is that as Asians, we can't seem to agree on what an arranged marriage is? After all, we all have them or know of someone who has had one. Lets start with me. I am a graduate and currently studying on a masters level AND at the same time studying the new art of listening to constant whispers about my...wait for it...MARRIAGE. This I find strange and difficult to digest.My parents want look for someone for me but others say I need find someone myself so does this mean my parents want an arranged marriage and others want a love marriage for me? If I find someone myself for marriage, am I in love? Does this make it a love marriage although technically speaking I'm not in love? However, if my parents choose a potential partner for me and want me to meet him and talk to him, does that make it an arranged marriage because ultimately I'm getting to know him aren't I so doesn't that change the concept? In the past, arranged marriages were easily understood and practised. Elders, wise people, heck, whatever you wanna call them, would find a suitable match based on status, education and religion and therafter the couple would marry. Easy huh? So why are we complicating this by adding more and more and more to the concept and making it suit our individual purpose.
Scenario 1: "I'm getting married to someone who someone recommended to my parents. Oh right, so how did this come about? oh, I've known him for awhile. eh?" Scenario 2: "I wanna get married to someone I met in Uni. Oh right, so have you been seeing each other long? No, it's not like that. We thought it makes sense to get married as we know each other and we're at the age." OK! Enough of the scenarios. These are examples I have heard myself from the horses' mouths so it's not made up. This spread of confusion has made arranged marriage and love marriage in Asian culture impossible to define and separate. So I introduce to you, the newly created and most appropriately named DERANGED MARRIAGE. I bet this makes more sense now. No room for confusion now. Just think, it's two in one. We don't need to hover between the two when telling people what kind of marriage we had. It's the modern, hip and up and coming word.
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