THE USE OF CONTROL

'no act is completely selfless'

We have people all around us and including ourselves, we know how to get what we want and the degree of control required for this process. However, some people are aware of what is needed and undertake this process with genuine good intentions, which could be something very common to us like, getting help from people like lecturers and tutors for study purposes and then mantaining that contact to control this much needed help so we can get it when we need it most. Now, this seems pretty self explanatory and perhaps we're all wondering why look into something like this and create something out of it? Well, this is because we live in a society where people are now rapidly losing control and as a consequence hastily trying to get this control by undertaking such processes with manipulation. This happens with world leaders, parents, couples, friends and so on and so forth. In short, pretty much everyone! Rather than doing things through respect, people are now using their control to get this respect. Makes no sense and perhaps no logic behind it eh? I have met many people from different faiths, cultures, lifestyles and continents! From this I have seen how similar people are in the way they use control to get what they want. A simple way to explain this is by looking at the way women behave towards their partners. I have sat in libraries minding my own business and have heard young women getting quite flustered about their shaky relationships with their boyfriends. For instance, in a recent encounter, I have heard lines such as 'I just want to know where he is, if I fail this (whilst studying), it's all his fault, etc and these comments were made after saying that they had split up? HMMM? So why the control here? Why does this girl need to know what her EX-BOYFRIEND is doing if they're not together? This kind of behaviour comes down to still being attached and still needing this person due to CONTROL. People need to use control to get some worth and meaning to their lives and yes, it is good to have some control but we must be careful that we don't become 'controlling' and more importantly, don't let others control us! So many people don't realise how they are being controlled. We are all controlled by society but we are also controlled by the people around us namely, people who are close to us. We sometimes see this as a good thing but at times fail to see how much of this control they have taken away from us. We rationalise this by subconsciously convincing ourselves that what they do and say is because they love and care for us which of course is true but not entirely as no act is completely selfless. In some instances, this is ok but in others, it is somewhat quite twisted. I know of people who in the name of love have implied they are acting or doing something due to good pure intentions but this is quite on the contrary. We are in a society that is turning more and more self absorbed and in turn we are knowing less and less about the people around us, their interests, aims, and most important of all, their intentions.

Sara and Danny Boy - weakness of women

Many may believe that women in the Asian population are oppressed and dominated by men. This may be true in some cases but it is important to look at objectively. Has it been misinterpreted and hence misunderstood purely because of a few ‘stories’ exploited by the media? Or is there truth in this matter. Let’s try to figure this out!

From experiences, observations and research conducted, I have seen the weakness of women and how, in a nutshell, ‘what they bring on themselves’. Most young women I know in Asian culture are (to put it mildly) doormats. Look at it this way, I’m no feminist so don’t go start thinking I am. This is based on what I’ve seen! It’s very easy to blame men especially in this ‘equality for all’ era regarding issues faced by women but its simple, due to the nature of women, they are putting the pressure and giving into the pressure themselves. Let me run you through an example, A friend of mine…hmmm…lets call her Sara, is contemplating marriage to a guy or should I say ‘boy’ (still pretty immature). Anyway! This ‘boy’ (lets call him Danny boy) can’t offer her much with regards to security and..wait for it…equality! Sara knows of this but that dreaded soft spot she has for him is over shadowing her judgement, which is only human I guess but lets look at the equality side of this. Danny boy’s criteria;

1. Doesn’t want Sara to work with other men (keep in mind Sara’s profession is in a male dominated field)

2. Talk to them in general even her own cousins! (I hear you gasp)

3. Wants to control her ‘activities’ What a nerve, yes I know.

However, Sara is justifying these actions to others around her but what Sara doesn’t realise is that she’s subconsciously convincing herself. A lot of people do that when they want something to work! But it needs to be noted that we’re just kidding ourselves. Oh yeah, did I mention the tiny tiny detail that the above rules don’t apply to our Danny boy? Enough of the example (it’s a true example by the way). More seriously, these issues are faced all the time and women are digging a hole for themselves. I guess they’re thinking that they can have an influence and their own way after marriage but that isn’t the case. Boys like our Danny boy here are mere control freaks whom show people a certain degree of respect, if you can call it that, before marriage but deep inside they know this will not be case after marriage. It’s about power and control and owning something you can rear. You're no animal dear! What women don't know is that they're pretty much exchanging what they believe in, their career and aspirations and their friends for a one way marriage.

Testing the Boundaries? 21st Century Relationships

The following article is about the other half. Don’t worry readers, I’m not going to go on a ‘feminist’ rant as I don’t like feminists myself. Firstly, I’m not playing the 'blame game' here and blame the ‘male specie’ about issues regarding cheating, being unfaithful...whatever it’s called these days. However, in recent months I have learned how men test the boundaries with women. By this I mean that sometimes certain people are in situations/relationships in which they are obviously unhappy in and indeed insecure about. Now you may ask, why are these guys in the relationships in the first place? Well, let me fill you in on my theory.

From observations and experiences, I have encountered that when guys have something missing in their lives and feel incomplete, without realising, they search for it elsewhere, well, more like in other women. They try to open up to these women and say how they have had it hard in their life and that their girlfriends, partners (whatever they label them now) don’t understand them and how you understand them etc. Well, this is absolute rubbish. They’re basically looking for something better and they are very unhappy in their relationships and perhaps only in the situation as they don’t want to be alone or excluded from contemporary social circles. They hang on until they get something better. However, when they find out that they can’t have this other person, they go back to their lives and make the effort to understand and be there for their partners. What a cheek? Doesn’t that sound like a back-up plan? It’s almost as though they have an item reserved just in case they don’t get what they’ve ordered. Now, I don’t know what you would call this, but isn’t that just like cheating? If people are unhappy with their relationships, why not be honest and true to the soul and get out of it and then look for whatever they need?

The truth of the matter is that we live in a selfish society where people are just concerned for ‘ME, ME ME’ and solely their OWN desires, constantly trying to take things from others in order to make themselves feel better and complete. However, little do they realise that taking things in this way makes it ‘impure’ and all that they are left with is emptiness.