THE USE OF CONTROL

'no act is completely selfless'

We have people all around us and including ourselves, we know how to get what we want and the degree of control required for this process. However, some people are aware of what is needed and undertake this process with genuine good intentions, which could be something very common to us like, getting help from people like lecturers and tutors for study purposes and then mantaining that contact to control this much needed help so we can get it when we need it most. Now, this seems pretty self explanatory and perhaps we're all wondering why look into something like this and create something out of it? Well, this is because we live in a society where people are now rapidly losing control and as a consequence hastily trying to get this control by undertaking such processes with manipulation. This happens with world leaders, parents, couples, friends and so on and so forth. In short, pretty much everyone! Rather than doing things through respect, people are now using their control to get this respect. Makes no sense and perhaps no logic behind it eh? I have met many people from different faiths, cultures, lifestyles and continents! From this I have seen how similar people are in the way they use control to get what they want. A simple way to explain this is by looking at the way women behave towards their partners. I have sat in libraries minding my own business and have heard young women getting quite flustered about their shaky relationships with their boyfriends. For instance, in a recent encounter, I have heard lines such as 'I just want to know where he is, if I fail this (whilst studying), it's all his fault, etc and these comments were made after saying that they had split up? HMMM? So why the control here? Why does this girl need to know what her EX-BOYFRIEND is doing if they're not together? This kind of behaviour comes down to still being attached and still needing this person due to CONTROL. People need to use control to get some worth and meaning to their lives and yes, it is good to have some control but we must be careful that we don't become 'controlling' and more importantly, don't let others control us! So many people don't realise how they are being controlled. We are all controlled by society but we are also controlled by the people around us namely, people who are close to us. We sometimes see this as a good thing but at times fail to see how much of this control they have taken away from us. We rationalise this by subconsciously convincing ourselves that what they do and say is because they love and care for us which of course is true but not entirely as no act is completely selfless. In some instances, this is ok but in others, it is somewhat quite twisted. I know of people who in the name of love have implied they are acting or doing something due to good pure intentions but this is quite on the contrary. We are in a society that is turning more and more self absorbed and in turn we are knowing less and less about the people around us, their interests, aims, and most important of all, their intentions.

Sara and Danny Boy - weakness of women

Many may believe that women in the Asian population are oppressed and dominated by men. This may be true in some cases but it is important to look at objectively. Has it been misinterpreted and hence misunderstood purely because of a few ‘stories’ exploited by the media? Or is there truth in this matter. Let’s try to figure this out!

From experiences, observations and research conducted, I have seen the weakness of women and how, in a nutshell, ‘what they bring on themselves’. Most young women I know in Asian culture are (to put it mildly) doormats. Look at it this way, I’m no feminist so don’t go start thinking I am. This is based on what I’ve seen! It’s very easy to blame men especially in this ‘equality for all’ era regarding issues faced by women but its simple, due to the nature of women, they are putting the pressure and giving into the pressure themselves. Let me run you through an example, A friend of mine…hmmm…lets call her Sara, is contemplating marriage to a guy or should I say ‘boy’ (still pretty immature). Anyway! This ‘boy’ (lets call him Danny boy) can’t offer her much with regards to security and..wait for it…equality! Sara knows of this but that dreaded soft spot she has for him is over shadowing her judgement, which is only human I guess but lets look at the equality side of this. Danny boy’s criteria;

1. Doesn’t want Sara to work with other men (keep in mind Sara’s profession is in a male dominated field)

2. Talk to them in general even her own cousins! (I hear you gasp)

3. Wants to control her ‘activities’ What a nerve, yes I know.

However, Sara is justifying these actions to others around her but what Sara doesn’t realise is that she’s subconsciously convincing herself. A lot of people do that when they want something to work! But it needs to be noted that we’re just kidding ourselves. Oh yeah, did I mention the tiny tiny detail that the above rules don’t apply to our Danny boy? Enough of the example (it’s a true example by the way). More seriously, these issues are faced all the time and women are digging a hole for themselves. I guess they’re thinking that they can have an influence and their own way after marriage but that isn’t the case. Boys like our Danny boy here are mere control freaks whom show people a certain degree of respect, if you can call it that, before marriage but deep inside they know this will not be case after marriage. It’s about power and control and owning something you can rear. You're no animal dear! What women don't know is that they're pretty much exchanging what they believe in, their career and aspirations and their friends for a one way marriage.

Testing the Boundaries? 21st Century Relationships

The following article is about the other half. Don’t worry readers, I’m not going to go on a ‘feminist’ rant as I don’t like feminists myself. Firstly, I’m not playing the 'blame game' here and blame the ‘male specie’ about issues regarding cheating, being unfaithful...whatever it’s called these days. However, in recent months I have learned how men test the boundaries with women. By this I mean that sometimes certain people are in situations/relationships in which they are obviously unhappy in and indeed insecure about. Now you may ask, why are these guys in the relationships in the first place? Well, let me fill you in on my theory.

From observations and experiences, I have encountered that when guys have something missing in their lives and feel incomplete, without realising, they search for it elsewhere, well, more like in other women. They try to open up to these women and say how they have had it hard in their life and that their girlfriends, partners (whatever they label them now) don’t understand them and how you understand them etc. Well, this is absolute rubbish. They’re basically looking for something better and they are very unhappy in their relationships and perhaps only in the situation as they don’t want to be alone or excluded from contemporary social circles. They hang on until they get something better. However, when they find out that they can’t have this other person, they go back to their lives and make the effort to understand and be there for their partners. What a cheek? Doesn’t that sound like a back-up plan? It’s almost as though they have an item reserved just in case they don’t get what they’ve ordered. Now, I don’t know what you would call this, but isn’t that just like cheating? If people are unhappy with their relationships, why not be honest and true to the soul and get out of it and then look for whatever they need?

The truth of the matter is that we live in a selfish society where people are just concerned for ‘ME, ME ME’ and solely their OWN desires, constantly trying to take things from others in order to make themselves feel better and complete. However, little do they realise that taking things in this way makes it ‘impure’ and all that they are left with is emptiness.

Education Education Education-what was he on about?

Tony Blair has banged on about education for all and made a huge statement with these damning words 'education, education, education'. It's very easily said and perhaps understood by some but doesn't this vary from individual to individual and from society to society?

There are many issues involved in defining the term education. In general, education is defined as going to school, then university or college and thereafter getting a job. Obviously, passing of exams reflects how clever an individual is. However, do exams reflect how intelligent a person is or have we as a society attached a label to it? It needs to be noted that some people are 'academically' bright. By this, I mean they are enthused by learning theory at schools and study hard for exams and then pass getting pretty high grades. On the other hand, it needs to be brought to attention that academically intelligent people may lack intelligence in other fields. Have you ever thought of that? For example, a person who gets high grades for exams may not have the social skills required for the 'real world'. So doesn't this mean that their studies were a waste of time? Do we have to study really hard and get good grades to get the title 'intelligent'? After all, if we look at historical figures, did they go to school? Did inventors start like this? These are the questions we need to ask ourselves.

For me, as a student at postgraduate level, I have met many people from around the world. From this experience I have learned that the way intelligence is measured in this contemporary society is something to be concerned about. From medical doctors to cleaning staff, I have met a range. From this, I can conclude that the way intelligence is measured in society is worrying. People with degrees are working in areas which has no relevance to their subject area and people are constantly being employed for reasons other than their academic qualifications. Therefore, are academic institutions preparing us for the big bad world? An answer we can get from looking at what is happening around us. I personally think that 'intelligence' is measured in the wrong way. After all, academic qualifications are purely based on gaining a title which sticks with us wherever we go but our minds are continuously picking up information, ideas, you name it..from people we meet and engage with. In addition, countries where there is no formal insitution to teach doesn't mean that the people in that society are uneducated but perhaps more educated as they have to gain skills without any form of guidance from 'so-called' professionsl bodies which, let's face it, aren't always the most brightest.

THE ANCIENT ART of BELLY DANCE-AN ART SUBJECT TO EXPLOITATION?

Belly dance is an ancient dance performed by folks in the olden days! This dance was associated with fertility and is no way what it is today. The art has been compared with other styles of 'entertainment' such as lap dancing and strip tease and has perhaps been stripped of its culture by this current society. Many people are beginning to learn the art of belly dance but hold on! Is it an art? Or merely a degrading dance for women to perform for all those drooling men whom by the way, pay to watch!

Just a few years back, belly dance wasn't so popular as it is today. So how did it become so popular? Well, lets see. What influences people in society the most? Yes, celebrities. Since the latin star Shakira popped onto our screens, this changed the views of many youngsters about the dance or at least contibuted to it. The art was changed into a seductive dance which I must say can't be blamed due to the music industry's exploitation of the authentic dance. More recently, Britain's Got Talent featured a belly dancer in the semi final stage. This popularised it further but the main target for attention were men! So therfore, we could say it should be compared to other forms of entertainment (for men). Ummm...get the drift?

Many have probably seen traditional belly dancing when on holidays to Egypt, Morrocco and Turkey and of course the styles vary. From earthy balladi moves in Egypt to the feminine flowy moves in Turkey. This is an art in it's own right. So, lets talk technicality! The moves predominantly come from the hips and the whole discipline lies in the isolation of the different moves. It is a dance that needs concentration and gradual building. Professionals such as the 'belly dance superstars' offer a seductive but elegant angle to the art from the well known shimmy to the more controlled belly rolls. It is not what it is becoming today.

So basically, the moral of the story is, keep art as art and lets not change it into something cheap. Appreciate it as a culture and lets not turn it into something subject to exploitation.

INDECENT PROPOSAL - South Asian Marriages Today

Back in the good old days, elders would recommend boys and girls of marital age to someone they knew who would be suitable for them. Solely parents and close contacts of parents would do this. Sounds straightforward and it probably was as there was this trust and closeness amongst communities. However, this most certainly isn't the case nowadays.

South Asian parents look for the most suitable partner for their sons and daughters, taking into consideration various factors that may be deemed as shallow in Western society such as level of education, religious awareness, what ethnic group they're from, employment background and so on and so forth. Of course, these factors vary due to individual definitions. Parents look for what they think is right for their children and reject what they dislike. However, this is very different when they recommend someone for another person's son or daughter. Basically, they lower their standards! Yes, very shallow indeed. You would think they would put themselves in another parent's shoes but no, not these days. It's each for their own. It doesn't matter who they're son or daughter marry so long as they're children have got the best. Selfish I hear you think? Well it is. Trust has gone out the window and as far as I'm concerned shoved where the sun don't shine. So-called friends of the family are no longer friends but are self absorbed individuals out to get what they can. When a partner is recommended by someone whom by the way, barely knows the family, parents feel obliged to enquire purely on the ground of 'saving face'. They are continuously put in this situation by know it alls meddling in other people's private lives.

Such individuals are creating a divide or perhaps adding to the divide in this once loving, close knit community. Recommendations of prospective partners for 'arranged marriages' are unworthy of consideration but are indecently chosen with no regard for compatibility.

A WOMAN'S ROLE IN SOCIETY - Do we REALLY have a place today?

For centuries, women have moaned and often rightfully struggled for rights. But what exactly do we mean by rights? What is equality? I am a woman and I don't believe women have rights regardless of many claiming them to be making their own choices in education, work and relationships.

Nevertheless, I believe rights have been given but they have also been taken away. Let's start with the constant media exploitation of women today. Women think they are doing certain things such as modelling, getting cosmetic surgery, the latest fashion, the career etc etc and making the decisions themselves. However, little do we know that these are not our choices but are the choices made by money and power hungry men who are behind all this subliminal messages sent out to us all, dressed up as something it most certainly is not. 'Choice for women'? Yeah right! Exploitation of women has moved from direct and obvious stereotyping and labelling to the more damaging yet subtle exploitation through the clever use of newspapers, magazines television and radio.

So why do so many women think they are doing what they want? Are they? Really? Take a look at your life now, what is it that is making you happy and what isn't? You will find that following the constant whispers of society's norm is dictating your life without you even realising it. Women are the prime targets for exploitation due to their fragile nature and their never-ending quest to conform to the ever-changing demands of society losing sight of reality and what is really important to them. Women are going from caring individuals to superficial beings, from humans to robots, from women to puppets controlled by the individuals we are so desperate to get respect from...MEN. However, this respect will never be gained if we as women do not empower ourselves and respect ourselves.

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